A case for Self-Mentoring

Sometimes, the mentor you need is the one staring back at you in the mirror.

I've had my fair share of mentors and coaches, and I can't say the experience has always been positive.

Don't get me wrong. I deeply respect the value these professionals bring to the lives of so many. However, my experiences often left me feeling unheard, unsupported, or simply let down.

I've worked with coaches more interested in shaming their unnamed clients and gatekeeping resources. I've even been ghosted by some.

So, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Self-development has always fascinated me. As a child, my parents gave me fairy tale books to learn how to read and write in English. They were seemingly simple gifts, but they planted in me, seeds of curiosity. I would spend days engrossed in the stories, the drawings and an English-Portuguese dictionary that opened my eyes to hundreds of new words.  

Today, my passion for personal growth hasn't dimmed—but time and energy, and access are limited.

Still, I persist.

Self-development, despite its challenges, has proven to be rewarding. It has saved me money, helped me gain clarity, and reminded me that learning doesn't need a hefty price tag. Today, we have an abundance of free and affordable resources at our disposal. Podcasts, online courses, books, vlogs and blogs are all great resources for learning. The real challenge is focus: knowing where to begin and not getting lost in piles of useless content.

As Dr. Marsha Carr (2015) outlines, self-mentoring unfolds across four levels: self-awareness, self-reflection, self-monitoring, and self-development. Each stage demands intentional, internal work—no shortcuts, no substitutions. In every sense, it is a journey inward before it is ever a leap forward.

 Straying from our goals is not the problem, the problem is not correcting course once you realize you strayed.

The truth is, self-development is not a luxury; it's a necessity, especially for those of us who can't afford to wait for the perfect coach, mentor, or moment. It is also about learning to listen inwardly before seeking validation outward. Growth, like healing, begins with radical ownership. Sometimes, the most transformative progress happens when we stop outsourcing our potential and start believing in our ability to guide ourselves.

The journey will not be linear and in many instances, it won’t be fluid, but growth rarely comes from perfect and well executed plans. It comes from a consistent curiosity to discover who you are becoming along the way and curating your world accordingly.

In the midst of my non-linear life experiences, I created a quiet compass; a way to create rhythm when life feels scattered and it helps me return to my plans and goals when I feel I am losing myself. Each stage of this compass—Ground, Gather, Grow, Guard, Guide—brings me back to self-awareness, self-reflection, self-monitoring and self-development. Straying from our goals is not the problem, the problem is not correcting course once you realize you strayed.

And so, I move forward—gently, deliberately—choosing to guide myself with the same care I once hoped to find in others. Growth, after all, begins the moment we stop waiting for permission and start believing that we can lead ourselves home.